“I woke up in the dumpster covered in diapers, and I found a pacifier somewhere I’m not willing to discuss.”
Welcome to Bangtoberfest!
Newly-single Barney is making up for lost time—or throwing himself into meaningless relationships to ease his pain, depending upon your perspective. In any case, there’s a t-shirt cannon involved. Robin tells Barney that he needs time to heal, but this Bangtoberfest merch cost him $7,000, so emotional stability is going to have to wait.
After so many months off the market, Stinson’s game is rusty, which for Barney means that the ladies are still willing to sleep with him, but his seductions just aren’t original enough. He’s done the cop thing already! Committed to “innovation,” Barney waits around for a better idea. (Excuses, excuses.) Finally, inspired by Marshall and Lily’s quest for a babysitter, he hits pay dirt in the form of heynannynanny.com. Claiming to be a single father, he interviews attractive nannies, tests their bath time abilities—without the baby, naturally—and then tells the women that he finds them attractive, so it just wouldn’t be right to hire them. One comforting touch later, he’s on his way to Bangtoberfest.
All goes as planned until Barney seduces Julie Jorgenson, native of Marshall’s own St. Cloud, Minnesota, whose father and brother own George and Morgan Jorgenson’s Organs. And a new store in Oregon: Piano Town! Marshall and Lily want her to be their babysitter, but when Barney seduces her, she refuses to work for anyone who would befriend such a liar. (Despite that, isn’t it fun to hear someone call Marshall and Lily “Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen”?)
His secret out, Barney finds himself on the receiving end of a whole bunch of nanny rage. He shows up at McLaren’s bruised, beaten, and upset with single life. Robin and Ted take this as a reminder to be grateful for what they have, even though neither is perfectly happy—Nick is emotionally needy, and Victoria is a slob. She lets the dishes pile up, which is surprising for a baker, right? Also, if Nick’s worst flaws are spider empathy and football complaints, I think Robin’s got it pretty good. Maybe I’m still smitten with his abs. I should probably let it go, because these two relationships are bound for disaster. I was actually surprised to see them both last the week.
Marshall and Lily, meanwhile, are out a babysitter. Lily’s dad is in town and begging for the job, but the man blew up his own house. He’s not caring for their child. The search goes on. In the midst of sexually-deviant teens and recently-incarcerated cat-killers, they meet a white-haired British angel: Mrs. Buckminster. She’s perfect, but her salary is too high, so Barney offers to cover it. Aww. I forgive him for running Julie out of town. Mrs. Buckminster arrives with open arms, ready to take the baby so Lily can get back to work, but it’s not that easy. Lily can’t let go of little Marvin, promising to hold onto him until she’s a skeleton, and then some.
While she sleeps, Mickey takes his grandson out on the town and reveals himself to be Super Grandpa in disguise. Where did such a neglectful father get all of these parenting skills? As it turns out, Mickey was a doting stay-at-home dad until Lily went to preschool, at which point he began betting on horses (just once, to pass the time without her), and it all went downhill. Lily is so touched that she agrees to let her dad babysit Marvin, and he promises to be better this time. Future Ted has the future family photos to prove that he will be.
We’ve done the whole Lily’s dad shows up and promises he’s changed but hasn’t plotline before. It’s already worn thin, so the reconciliation (and the fact that it apparently sticks) is welcome news, but it’s also a little hard to buy. Lily couldn’t even leave Marvin with the single greatest nanny since Mrs. Doubtfire, but she can hand him over to the man who abandoned her? How much could her dad have changed if he’s still blowing up homes with firecrackers?
Ugh, stop being rational, brain. Listen to the heartwarming music! Look at the cute pictures of this happy family! Alyson Hannigan can sell sweet happy anything, and the kid has a mop of curly hair. OK I LOVE IT. YAY FAMILY.
In a last minute twist, we learn that Barney hired Mrs. Buckminster to keep him from womanizing. He does want to change! The fact that he proceeds to womanize her is something I’ll just have to burn from my brain, and we should never speak of it again, except to say this: Marshall and Lily dodged a bullet on that one.
“Off with you dear. Go make better decisions!” I could say the same to you, Nanny McSleepsaround.
“We covered that fire on the news! I had no idea ‘Naked Man Runs Back into Fire to Rescue Potato Salad’ was Mickey!”
“I wanna bury my head in the safety of your bosom.”
“In rehab I was in charge of the cats, and only two died, so I figured…”
“Robin, I don’t want you to fix this. I just want to feel heard!”
“Stop me don’t stop me I’m fine HELP being single’s great!”
So how do you feel about Lily hiring Mickey? Is future Marvin more or less adorable than a Muppet? And would you wear a Bangtoberfest hat? I would.