In which we follow up a light kidnapping with a sing-along.
In season two’s “The Killer in the Concrete,” B&B are called in to investigate a body found buried in concrete. Booth dubs him Cement Head, which Brennan protests—it’s not cement. Cement is an ingredient in concrete. (Sometimes I think Bones would make me very well suited for Jeopardy.) But Concrete Head doesn’t have the same ring to it, so Cement Head it is! They’re pretty sure he was killed by a crazy old one-legged hit man whose favorite murder weapon is an ice pick. Booth dubs him Ice Pick. Brennan does not protest. She actually scolds Cam for calling the killer by his real name. “We don’t call him Kennedy; we call him Ice Pick.” I love it when Brennan takes her linguistic cues from the people around her. It’s like they give her permission to say cute things.
Meanwhile, Brennan’s dad shows up to tempt her with snickerdoodles. Apparently, five-year-old Brennan liked to eat cookies and dance around to the old song “Keep on Tryin’” by Poco. She doesn’t remember. Abandonment does tricky things to the memory. Be gone with your snickerdoodles, Max.
Booth tracks Kennedy to his hotel, so Ice Pick retaliates wily-old-man style: he wraps Booth in a blanket like a man hor d’oeuvres (yes please, I’ll have some). Ice Pick confirms that he murdered Cement Head, so well done team!, but he “never killed nobody for fun,” so he hits the road and leaves Booth all wrapped up, gun and all. He even puts the TV on for him. Nicest crazy old one-legged hit man EVER! Unfortunately, his former partners are miffed and not as nice. They find Booth and, anxious to know whether Kennedy is still alive, take him to their place for an interrogation that’s straight out of King Lear. They actually ask Booth which of his eyes he likes best. This episode is such a hot mess, in the most wonderful way.
Brennan and the squints work overtime to save Booth, eventually using the victim’s shoes—shoes! They’re so smart—to locate Kennedy’s hangar. Brennan calls in the location to the FBI, but she casually leaves out the fact that they’re just guessing.
Brennan: Yes, this is Dr. Brennan at the Jeffersonian. I just received a call from Agent Booth that he’s being held at the Purdue Airfield in Oakville, Virginia. Send backup. I’m going in.
Angela: You just lied your ass off to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Hodgins: That is so hot.
This is totally one of those moments when I want to be Brennan. She’s such a badass. I always love it when Hodgins calls Brennan hot, for the same reason I like Booth to compliment Angela: friend chemistry is every bit as great as romantic chemistry. They all like each other! Also, it’s the truth. They’re all hot.
So the action montage kicks in—set to “Keep on Tryin’,” naturally—as Brennan speeds off with her father. Yes, she’s so desperate to save her partner that she calls on Max for help (y’all, SHE LOVES BOOTH). Angela, Hodgins, Cam, and Zack are stuck in the lab, waiting for news, and we see how worried they are for Booth.
I wish Booth could see that. He has such a hard time believing that he’s worthy of that kind of affection, probably because he occasionally finds himself tied to a chair with a burning screwdriver in his leg. Ouch. Booth is good at being tortured, which is the absolute saddest compliment you can pay a person. He knows how to stay silent, stare straight ahead, and tolerate pain. He also knows how to hit his torturer with a chair, Sydney-Bristow style, when his partner rushes in to rescue him.
Oops, British guy fell on his own implement of torture. Irony’ll get you every time. As he rolls over, burning hot screwdriver in his chest, Brennan advises, “If you lie really still, you may not die.” Which is just really cool of her. Max runs up to ask for the car keys, and Booth—from the floor, tied to a chair—tells him he’s under arrest. Nice try, Booth. I love your spirit. Brennan lets Max get away, because he did help save her partner, and she finally understands that we all do things for family (Booth absolutely counts as family). Max leaves a note, along with an old picture of Brennan and her mom, under a glass dolphin before he skedaddles.
Next page: Sing it with me now.