You Could Be Watching Victor Garber Right Now

In advance of its January premiere, the pilot episode of Deception hit the internet this week. Let’s break it down.

STRENGTHS:

  • Victor Garber wears sweaters.
  • Victor Garber pours tea.
  • Victor Garber cries.
  • Victor Garber is hiding something.

Victor Garber must always be hiding something.

WEAKNESSES:

  • Victor Garber doesn’t blow up a single person in the whole episode.

His character might not be Jack Bristow, but I’m desperate for Deception to succeed, and it will have my support for as long as V-Garbs roams its mahogany halls. I watched Eli Stone for this man. I don’t want to say that I would watch him read the phone book—it’s such a cliché—but I WOULD WATCH THE HECK out of Victor Garber reading the phone book. He doesn’t even need to read it out loud. He just needs to stare at it, pace the hallway as he turns its pages, laugh to himself like it’s all a great joke, and maybe slap someone over the head with it.

But oh!, if he read it out loud! Think of all the inflections! Some days he’d go into Classy Garber Mode. He’d cozy up by the fireside for an hour of one-on-one name-reading, and his creamy Broadway voice would hum, “You are a lovely person.”

bow tie

Maybe one day he’d sing all of the names.

victor garber come hither

Some people could get the Stiff-But-Loveable Jack Bristow Treatment, wherein Victor Garber makes his “I’m surrounded by idiots” face.

victor garber exasperated

Or “Who authorized you to exist?”

bristow face

Or “I love you, but I don’t know how to say it.”

jack smile

He could do an entire episode as Jack Bristow the Undercover Security Repairman.

Sometimes he could stop to sniff the phone book and ruminate on the fact that it’s pink and scented.

blooper face

One day he’d shout names to the back of an empty theater accusingly. One day, he’d just smirk.

You guys, HIS LIPS.

You guys, HIS LIPS.

He’d wear glasses as often as possible.

spydaddysy3

argo hipster glasses

Of course we’d get an entire episode in his Titanic accent. Dope-ass cravat not negotiable.

mister andrews

Sometimes he’d dazzle us with his smile.

smile

Sometimes he’d issue threats.

Sometimes he’d rage-monologue.

Sometimes he’d just shoot people WITHOUT EVEN SLOWING DOWN.

nice shot jack bristow

And sometimes he’d hug Jennifer Garner and I would weep openly.

victor garber jennifer garner

Let’s make Deception  this show please.

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