“You are sad drinking right now, and I need you to be happy drinking.”
Mixing business with pleasure: never a good idea. But “never” isn’t really in Leslie Knope’s vocabulary, is it? She can’t really stop caring about any park, much less the Pawnee Commons, fruit of April’s fertile employment. So when Councilman Jamm reneges on his promise and moves forward with the Lot 48 Paunch Burger (Start Drooling, Fatties), Leslie’s bachelorette party is pretty much doomed.
She tries not to let it distract her. She tries to happy drink. Ann begs her to happy drink. But the minute anyone tells Leslie, “You can’t do anything about it right now,” Leslie will find a way to do something about it right now. In this case, that means burying a bunch of Wamapoke artifacts in the dirt to delay construction. The woman is either mad or both. I love her.
Don’t get me wrong: I am so incredibly bummed that her party wasn’t a Snork Juice rager. We’ve been denied so much historical nudity! DARN YOU COUNCILMAN JAMM. But I do think it’s very Leslie Knope of her to keep looking for solutions even when everyone tells her that there are none, and then to immediately realize hmm, probably shouldn’t exploit Wamapoke history for my own gain. And THEN to rally her friends to the cause, penis hats in tow (April: “I’m serious, don’t be afraid, use the penises!”). Even Babe Lincoln—small-town stripper/ clarinet player—gets in on the action, and not just in Donna’s lap.
Even after a night in the pit, the group still can’t find every artifact Leslie buried. Now she has to answer to Ken Hotate, which is just unfair. The Zodiak Killer never had to confess! Ken accepts her apology and proceeds to play Jamm like he’s a fiddle and Ken’s the lost member of Mumford and Sons. He even threatens to remove the Paunch Burgers inside the Wamapoke Casino (allll six of ‘em) if Jamm doesn’t uphold his deal with Leslie.
Leslie: In the spirit of fair play, I suggest we put on these authentic Wamapoke headdresses and dance around the table.
Jamm: Absolutely not. That sounds highly offensive.
Ken: DOES IT WHITE MAN?
YES YES YES put that in your offensively stereotypical peace pipe and smoke it.
Next page: SHOOP there it is.