“Greenzo” was the first episode of 30 Rock I ever watched. When Liz found a pop tart on the floor and ate it, I think my mental reaction was something along the lines of, “Oh, it’s like that, is it, show?” But it WASN’T JUST LIKE THAT. It was like that PLUS a twisted backstory for said pop tart. That pop tart is Liz Lemon’s life: weird, messy, totally unashamed.
And you guys, I get that.
Tina Fey owns her flaws. She owns Liz’s flaws. She’s not trying to be the perfect voice for all of womankind. She’s trying to be the voice of one woman, whose cluttered, chaotic life is still a good one. I like that. I need that. If Leslie Knope makes me want to be better every day, Liz is the one who hugs me when things go wrong and tells me that it’s fine, and don’t be cry.
So here’s what I learned from Liz Lemon. I know this might get emotional for you, so I left a meatball sub in your fridge.
- If you already have a drink, a real guy will offer to buy you mozzarella sticks.
- Bandanas are a fun, sexy fashion accessory.
- A nooner means you have pancakes for lunch.
- All of humanity is united by the sandwich.
- It’s ok if the ice cream store is your home turf.
- The word “lovers” is only acceptable between the words “meat” and “pizza.”
- If your boyfriend has a mealtime emotional breakdown, you can always sneak some cereal with your tongue.
- Say yes to love, say yes to life, SAY YES TO STAYING IN MORE!
- Do the grapevine.
- Charge $500 for kissing and $10,000 for snuggling, and you end that list right there young lady.
- Being a star means you can order people to bring you ham.
- Every girl’s name carries a hidden meaning.
- You can be a total screw-up and still date guys with Jon Hamm’s face.
- WE ALL want to go to there.
- It still counts as a workout if you walk really slowly on your treadmill while eating.
- It’s possible to get out of jury duty in Chicago by dressing like a hologram.
- Working on your night cheese? There’s a song for that.
- When in doubt, just say “pwomp.”
- The human heart is not properly connected to the human brain.
- This. In every way, this: “I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame, and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms, like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me. Even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.”
- Go ahead: be imperfect, be yourself, be unashamed, conquer the world anyway. Love the people around you, even if they’re clinically insane. Work hard at a job worth doing. High five a million angels. If you wanna write TV shows, then write TV shows! And if you ever have the option to kill five people but earn free cable for life, you’ll find no judgment here.
So what did Liz Lemon teach you? Come, let’s grieve this loss her way.