And just like that, football season is over. No more Destiny’s Child reunions, no more confetti angels, no more power at the Superdome. (Beyonce borrowed it to RUN THE WORLD but gave it back because her hips are already doing that.) To help ease your transition into this dark world of increased emotional stability, I’ve put together a list of my favorite NFL fans on television—because on television, football season never ends! Next time you find yourself longing to swoon at conquering men or throw a pillow at a replacement ref, just return to these guys. They’ll never steer you wrong.
- Andy Dwyer, Parks and Recreation
It takes a special kind of superfan to wear a football jersey to your own wedding. The man loves the Colts more than super straws, more than Chris Traeger’s toe shoes, and more than being an action hero. He’d marry the whole team if he could. (Andy, on a potential love song: “OOH it could be about a girl…or Peyton Manning!”) The Colts are everything Andy dreams about. Ideal Christmas present? Signed Reggie Wayne jersey. Ideal outcome to a legal negotiation? Guaranteed starting spot on the Indianapolis Colts. Ideal bachelor party? Catching a touchdown pass from Andrew Luck. Catch your dreams, Andy.
- Marshall Eriksen, How I Met Your Mother
Marshall is a football fan because he’s an Eriksen. It’s a family thing. He wears his father’s Fran Tarkenton apron and calls his dad at all the major moments in his life—like finding a new Vikings lamp. Confession: I cried when Marshall tailgated with strangers at his dad’s tombstone, because football is so much of my relationship with my dad. It’s so sweet that I’ll even forgive him for this terrible joke about my Packers.
- Nick Miller, New Girl
Nick eats nothing but mayonnaise on game days because “that’s how you make the Chicago Bears win,” which I take as another solid reason to never support the Bears. Still, you can’t fault the man for hometown pride. The rules of being a diehard fan (i.e. “The only time a man is allowed to think about another man is when that man is Jay Cutler”) go hand-in-hand with Nick’s other emotional issues. In the real world, it’s called being irrationally angry 365 days a year. In football, it’s called love.
- Seeley Booth, Bones
“It’s sports. It’s supposed to be loud!” is the only context in which my father will ever quote Bones. I don’t fully understand Booth’s ability to cheer for both the Eagles and the Steelers, but that’s why I love him. You say there must be a rivalry? SEELEY BOOTH LAUGHS IN THE FACE OF YOUR RIVALRY. If he wants to support every team that defines his childhood, then that’s exactly what he’ll do. The man is a rebel. But he’s a loyal rebel.
And if you can get through his rendition of the Eagles’ fight song without laughing, I don’t know what to do with you.
So who are your favorite fictional fans? Share your love in the comments! We’ll all get through this off-season together.