As Pawnee’s Emergency Czar, Leslie is determined not to let Pawnee collapse into Thunderdome-style post-apocalyptic mayhem. Jamm doesn’t share her determination, and the hypothetical Avian Flu claims Chris Traeger’s hypothetical life. (Chris should probably bake a vegetable loaf for his therapist, because the thought of incurable disease doesn’t send him careening toward Bummerville anymore!) Is this a nightmare? Maybe it’s really a nightmare.
Nope. It’s just Councilman Jamm.
Of course Jamm would shirk his duties. Of course he’d request that the drill be held on the day of the gala, and of course he’d try to give it an extra-special shot of insanity. Leslie figures it out and turns the tables on him, Model UN style. Scandinavian brothers, on my signal, unleash hell.
And so hypothetical Pawnee goes down in a blaze of bird-saving, tornado-quaking glory. Back in real Pawnee, the gala looks so fancy! Ben did it. They all did it. Tom found a caterer in Paunch Burger’s competitors, Ron was a TV sensation, and Ben gave free drink tickets to all the drill victims. The team straight-up Leslie Knoped it out there: they played to their strengths and thought of other people first. I can’t, you guys. They love each other so much. I’m already ugly crying.
And they did it! They met their goal! Pawnee gets its Li’l Sebastian fountain! Leslie, taking my ugly cry to historic levels:
“I’d like to thank my community—my friends. It’s a lesson that I have learned over and over again, but it bears repeating: no one achieves anything alone.”
That’s the thesis of Parks and Rec. You get what you give. Putting others first comes back to help you. You can’t register for love or friendship as wedding gifts, but if you register for a park, you get all of the above.
Leslie has almost everything she wants right now. The only thing she doesn’t have is Ben as her husband, and she hates the feeling of not being married to him. Don’t we all? So why don’t they just do it? The registry’s all purchased, and Leslie did say she wanted the entire town at her wedding. Just do it, you two. Just get married tonight! And never stop smiling at each other and looking so gorgeous in your fancy clothes. I LOVE HOW MUCH YOU MAKE ME FEEL THINGS!
Emergency Response Snaps:
Andy “but he’s got a great personality” Dwyer failed his personality test (because he trusts kids with firearms) but is secretly a genius. Let that sink in.
Andy has a lot in common with Brett from Animal Control. “Oh who you want me to kill? I’ll kill them. Soon as I’m done with these birds.”
I love when Andy rewrites MouseRat lyrics. “The park/ might not be safe after dark /there could be dangerous sharks/ we should probably learn martial arts.”
Ron: “I can speak in full sentences and I won’t cry.”
Ben: “Fair point, I did cry last time. Godspeed.”
I’d watch a spinoff that’s just Joan Callamezzo in varying states of repose.
Ron’s words of wisdom:
“Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless.”
“Grapes of Wrath, chocolate chip ice cream, and Johnny Cash.”
“Your house isn’t haunted; you’re lonely.”
“Replacing the chain on your chainsaw is child’s play. Literally.”
“Johnny Unitas. Don’t be an idiot.”
So WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE RIGHT NOW? Get to a TV! Watch our babies get married! Bring tissues! We’ll talk about it later.