All the Bacon and Eggs: An Evening with Ronald Ulysses Swanson

I spent this past weekend in the company of Ron Swanson.

In a way, I spend every day in his company (we’re always together on my laptop/ IN MY HEART), but this was different. Nick Offerman and I were literally in the same room, inches apart, at a showing of his new movie, Somebody Up There Likes Me. Also, fine. Two showings. I went twice. No regrets.

I’ll let my friends at Head Over Feels, who also attended a screening, give you the full rundown (hint: giggles and woodcarving were involved), but let me just say this: the fact that I was in the same room as Nick Offerman is very nice. The fact that I was in the same room as Nick Offerman’s cell phone, which no doubt has called Amy Poehler, makes me downright fluttery. But the fact that I was in the same room as the man who plays Ron Swanson is almost too much to handle. I couldn’t get over the fact that this scruffy, giggly, unpretentious guy before me was the same man who can bring down a nation with the flick of a mustache. Ron Swanson is a FINE human being and an example to us all, and I think we should take a moment to reflect on what makes him an American hero.

  • He’s wise.

halfass two things

  • He’s honest.

ron skim milkron skim milk 2

This is how I leave all gatherings.

This is how I leave all gatherings.

  • He’s confident.
  • He respects women.

Ron, to a man whose wife wants to know if she looks fat:

In my experience, when a woman asks a question like that, she’s feeling insecure for some other reason. Maybe you shouldn’t say anything to her and just put your hand on the side of her face, tell her that you love her, and that she is the greatest woman you’ve ever met. Also in my opinion, most women in this world are vastly too skinny.

  • He respects food.

There is literally nothing bad in any of this. But the best thing about Ron is that these traits all coexist in a single character. He’s a teddy bear who hates expressing warm feelings but has a lot of them, a confident man who wants a confident woman, a fiercely independent outdoorsman who believes that love makes life worth living. Ron Swanson is unlike anyone we might meet on the street or any actor who might sit on a stage in Brooklyn for an hour to make a crowd laugh, but he’s still a fully realized individual. Ron is unapologetically himself, and that’s the example we should all be following.

Plus, he’s the world’s best cake advocate.

So join me in appreciating the man, the myth, and the mustache. What do you love most about our favorite Ulysses?

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