Leslie and Ben are thinking long term and putting together their will (their one will, one beautiful married will, because they’re married). Ben asks Ron to be the witness, but Ron’s not much into wills or any other government document. Ben kindly reminds him that without a will, most of what he owns would actually go to the government. Anyway, he’s a family man now. He’s got to protect them.
Ron agrees to meet with a lawyer, and it turns out he’s got every bit as much gold as you think he’s got, and probably a lot more. He hesitates to turn that much wealth over to his kids, not wanting them to become the kind of people who never work (aw, Ron) or who buy their wooden furniture (oh, Ron). Ben shoots that down; if he teaches his kids the right values, money won’t change them. Ron can’t leave his family without a safety net just to teach them a lesson. In the end, the kids get 5% of his very substantial wealth, and Ben gets the rarest jewel of all: victory over Ron Swanson.
As for Tom, he gets a date with the most egregiously snubbed actress in this year’s Emmy race a hot doctor. When Nadia shows up to reserve a park for a mobile vaccination clinic, Tom is so smitten that he fakes a British accent and messes up her paperwork to keep her around. Score one for bureaucratic incompetence. When April finally explains that Tom just has an awkward way of expressing affection, Nadia actually finds it kind of cute. They’re going on a date! Do I think this is going to work out? Probably not. Nadia’s going to Rwanda in two weeks, and Tatiana Maslany’s got a BBC America show to singlehandedly make awesome. Do I want it to work out? Yes. She dares to imagine a world where Jay-Z and Beyonce’s kid has an airline called “Jet Blue Ivy.”
“Ben, your heart’s in the right place. Your heart and your butt.”
April and the question mark stickers: I ship it.
“What IS this place?”
“Maybe if you’d bothered to come to my Great Gatsby brunch, you’d know.”
“You of all people should know that, El Diablo!”
“I’d never lose to a boar.”
Um, is Mulligan’s open again? Why have we not thrown a party?
“Bridge burned Typhoon—or should I say Norman?”
“And you’re like way out of his league so there’s literally no risk for you at all here.”