Times Mulder and Scully Should Have Made Out This Week, Volume 1

As of last week, I’ve officially started The X-Files. A friend told me recently that the show left her and her roommate curled up in the fetal position all evening, too sad to move, then followed that up with, “We’re going to make you start watching.” I only watch shows make people want to ruin other people’s lives. That same friend insists that she’s never spent more time yelling “MAKE OUT” at a TV screen, and I can already see why. I’ve been missing out on so much. I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long. I’m here now, yelling at my TV with the rest of you. Let’s watch the definitive will-they-won’t-they crime-solvers not make out.

Times Mulder and Scully should have made out in this week’s batch of episodes:

“Pilot”

  • People keep turning up dead or unhinged, and they’ve each got two spots on their lower backs. Scully shows up on Mulder’s hotel doorstop because she can feel two spots on her lower back, and she needs him to check it out. To reiterate, LOWER. BACK. It’s the part of the body that’s very easy to cover with a shirt and then selectively reveal by just barely lifting up the shirt, but if you’re Dana Scully and have nothing to hide and are already wildly attracted to your new partner, then sure, drop your robe for science.
KISS HER ON THE LOWER BACK, MULDER

HIS CANDLE SMELLS LIKE STRONG COFFEE AND GOING TO SEE A MAN ABOUT AN ALIEN

There are two missed opportunities here: The first is when Mulder clearly wants to touch his lips to those mosquito bites (“mosquito bites.” I’m not convinced). The second is when she spins around in relief and buries her little robed body in his arms.

x files scully mulder hug pilot x files pilot hug
“Deep Throat”

  • Mulder says, “You and I are going to the spud state.”
  • Mulder reveals that he knows things about the Green Bay Packers.
  • Scully trades her pantsuit for a stylish oversize chambray shirt. Her sleeve-rolling game is on point.
  • Oh hey.

x files mulder nod

“Squeeze”

  • Mulder reaches out in the midst of sheepishly thanking Scully for respecting his process and straightens her necklace, and it doesn’t even break his train of thought, and she doesn’t say a word about it, because casual touching is already casual.
x files squeeze necklace

Not even a thing. Normal day at the office.

  • Scully asks her old academy classmate if he’s doing what it takes to climb the ladder, then says she can’t wait ’til he falls and lands on his ass. (Mulder wasn’t there for that, but he should have been and they should have made out.)

“Conduit”

  • Mulder says “Okobogee” from a totally normal distance.

mulder okobogee

  • Mulder misses his sister and could really use some comfort.

“The Jersey Devil”

  • Scully turns down her date to join Mulder at the Smithsonian, and he teases her and asks if she has a life. That life would be you, Mulder.

“Shadows”

  • Mulder tries this line: “I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.”
  • Mulder gets fingerprints on his glasses, then wraps his arm around Scully to fog up his glasses and show them to her, as you do.

mulder glasses

  • THIS.

x files shadows coat

“Ghost in the Machine”

  • There should just be general end-of-days making out because it’s 1993 and computers are taking over the world.

“Ice”

  • There’s a worm in the water in Alaska. It burrows into people and makes them violent, and it leaves Scully and Mulder’s team of investigators unable to trust each other, taking every sign of stress and fatigue as a possible indicator of infection. Everyone but Scully is quick to throw Mulder under the bus when he seems to be getting violent. They find a cure—introduce a second worm into the host, and the two kill each other—but Scully can’t do that to Mulder unless she’s sure, so she locks herself in a room with him, because she’d rather risk getting hurt than risk hurting him. Which I don’t know how to move forward from.
i want to trust you

“I WANT to trust you.”

Scully examines Mulder, which obviously requires tearing his shirt and massaging his neck, and after she smiles a cute little relieved smile, he grabs her collar and does the same to her. IT’S SO INTIMATE. I mean they are PAINFULLY COZY. Their chemistry is not of this earth. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER ALREADY. THEY COULD JUST HOLD HANDS AND THAT WOULD BE NICE. I WANT TO BELIEVE.

x files ice mulder neck x files ice scully neck

I’m assuming this is only like a 3 out of 10 on the scale of life-ruining Mulder-Scully moments, and already it’s the only thing I want to think about. I can’t deal with this. You’re all terrible people for introducing me to this show. I don’t know how to thank you.

UPDATE: If you want to read all of these posts in order, find them here!

46 comments

  1. You’re welcome. Welcome to our collective insanity. Wait till you get to season 7&8. You’ll be a little pile of green goop on tge floor. Enjoy. BTW if you watch David and Gillian together you’ll see the chemistry between them too, they didnt just turn it on for the camera, it existed anyway.

    1. Oh I KNOW, I’ve been falling apart at their twitter feed since they joined, which I think they did for the sole purpose of working fans into a lather so we’d give them enough word of mouth to make a movie, WHICH IS A GREAT PLAN. They’re so adorable. Bring on the ‘pile of goop’ lifestyle.

      1. literally spent the entire movie freaking out, kind of like what happened with the second christian bale batman movie. and this was two months ago, and i’m 31 years old.

  2. LOL…”make out”? Just you wait…you’ll soon realize that’s not enough. 😛 I’ve been watching this show since it’s original syndication. #StillHot&Bothered 😉

  3. Welcome to the philes’ world. Your posts took me back to 1995, since then everytime I hear the names of Mulder and Scully my heart beats faster. Thanks for bringing the magic back.

  4. This is my new favorite thing. Fox Mulder was my first legit crush 20 years ago, and I haven’t recovered since.

  5. Love this!!! Haha great “shipper” analysis… More, more pleeeease!?! 🙂 ps you’re gonna diiiie season 5 and on!!! Eeeeee 🙂

  6. This year I re-watched all the seasons and the 2 movies. I was looking for a quote from an episode and found your blog. These posts are amazing!
    I watched my first X Files episode ever back in grade school, in 1996. I haven’t seen all the episodes when they aired on TV, but I was completely obsessed with the show. I remember the whole family watching it on Friday evening. I actually have a few X Files books as well. My sister and I were legit shippers.
    Anyway, I can’t wait to read all your blog posts on the show. Oh, and in case you didn’t know, you should watch the first movie between the end of season 5 and the beginning of season 6.

    1. Ahh I wish I’d watched the show back then! I’m so glad to have found it now, though. And a friend actually just lent me a couple of X-Files books, so I’m diving into those. Thank you so much!

  7. Just found your blog and am so happy! Have watched XF beginning to end several times, but you’ve inspired me to go it again with your posts at my side. The plots are great, but ultimately are really vehicles for the relationship IMO, and you GET that! I love it. Happy to watch 45 minutes for that 3 second glance or touch, anytime. Anyway, you’ve already clued me in to some subtle stuff that’s made me giddy, so cannot wait to start the journey again through your eyes. Keep ’em coming!

  8. I’ve been watching since its beginning, since I’m 5 and I’m so happy to read your revue (I don’t know if it’s the correct english word sorry), once you start with Mulder and Scully, you’ll forever be in love with them and reading your revue: – makes me fall in love in them even more than I thought I could so thank you for that – makes me laugh so much 😀 thank you a lot for that too 🙂 It’s refreshing and it’s cool that they are still new fans

  9. Can I just say that I’ve been an X-File fan since I was nine and I AGREE 1000% WITH THIS BLOG. It’s also cracking me up like you have no idea! My husband is giving me strange looks.
    “Mulder says “Okobogee” from a totally normal distance.”
    /dying with laughter
    Thank you for this. And thank your friends for forcing you to watch this life altering show. Gonna go read the rest now. LOL!

  10. I’ve read through all your posts and rereading now to enjoy again and leave replies. I watched from the beginning and was about the same age as our heroes and was totally obsessed with the show. You have picked up on a lot of little, subtle things that I missed when I watched originally. When Ice aired though, I practically went ‘gack’ and collapsed in a puddle of goo when they examined each other’s necks, especially the way Mulder grabbed Scully as she turned around. My stomach was on the floor, the same way you could see Scully’s stomach falling just through her expression. You’re right – it was such an intimate moment.

    1. Thank you so much!! I feel like I missed a lot in these early posts–I was so new to the show!–but even then I was obsessed. “Ice” is amazing. I couldn’t stop thinking about it the next day. Such a great scene; it’s undeniably hot, but it comes about for such a sweet reason–Scully would rather risk letting him hurt her than risk hurting him. That sums them up.

  11. I could look at this over and over, so thanks for re-posting. It makes that wait for January, and more XF (squee!) go a little faster. *Happy sigh*

  12. So, Jersey Devil… I’m always struck by the look on Scully’s face when Mulder calls in the middle if her date. She looked so bored during the date. When she talks to Mulder, her face lights up.
    And Ice… examining someone for a creepy violence inducing worm has never been so hot. Seriously. My life is ruined too. But it’s totally worth it!

  13. Just found these posts! So much fun. Long time lover of the show. Watched occasionally, but it was FTF that really pulled me in & after that, I was a goner. Watched every episode I could find to catch up & also new episodes weekly. Ice is one of my favorites for several reasons, but by far, that scene between M & S in the room. The intensity, Mulder’s fierce “You pulled a gun on me”. “Now, I don’t trust them. I want to trust you.” in that whisper. And then, the check…ohhh…(loved your comment about ripping his shirt, haha! ). Then, him… grabs her, her gasp, the way he turns her head so gently, & he lightly brushes her hair aside and rests his hand calmly on the back of her neck ( it looks like that would feel so warm). Yes, I’m a sucker for that scene. The sexual tension in that scene is just mindblowingly hot. And, this is only is Season 1. Regardless of whatever may have been going on off camera, in those early days, -exhaustion, insecurity, inexperience, egos; Duchovny & Gillian Anderson have a chemistry that is so extraordinary, it is out of this world (no pun intended). If reincarnation is real, this is not the 1st go round with these two.

  14. Karen
    I have at last reached the site, where my thoughts and emotions are mirrored in the choice of looks and actions of these two and…. I don’t want to be anywhere else. well researched and documented. Forever in your debt.
    Amer

  15. so i just started binge watching txf a few days ago and can i just say…i have never EVER FELT THIS MUCH TENSION AND CHEMISTRY BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE IN A TV SHOW (like i know it’s gonna take quite awhileeee till i finally get to the part where they become canon) still though that scene in 1×08 where they check on each other was so hot ???? like they were in a serious matter but oh god i can’t even

    also i love these posts of yours. as a shipper i can totally relate hehe

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