This week, David and Gillian celebrated their birthdays by trolling the world.
“Well you do, honey lamb! Come here. I want to kiss you, just once, softly and sweetly on your mouth.”–A Streetcar Named Desire
Times Mulder and Scully Should Have Made Out in this week’s batch of episodes:
- “Do you know how much the human body is worth, Mulder?” “Depends on the body.”
- “If I’m right, this is one man who left his heart in San Francisco.” That is a MULDER JOKE, Scully.
- I like when Mulder just hangs back, cracks open some sunflower seeds, and watches Scully take Glen to task. She’s so cute when she’s terrifying everyone.
“Jose Chung’s ‘From Outer Space'”
- Bedtime stories.
- Oh, kiss him just for that yelp.
- I choose to believe in the reality where Mulder eats an entire sweet potato pie like this.
- He’s so worried when he can’t find his Scully.
- “I was surprised to wake up the next morning to find Mulder asleep in my room.” Mmmm.
- Professional colleagues researching at a professional distance.
- The FBI’s official opinion is that Scully is “enchanted” by Agent Mulder. That’s on the record.
- She calls Mulder on his cell and he’s right behind her, so he just says “Helloooo” and gives her a cute little wave.
- The fact that Scully brought Queequeg along makes this all so domestic.
- Neither of them can actually handle how domestic it is, which is why they’re bickering so much.
- Look at this family unit.
- I love that Scully and Mulder refuse to accept the scientific fact that their heights are not umbrella compatible.
- “Has anyone ever told you two that you have a great problem coming to the point?” Yes, they’re both aware that they’re still not hooking up, thanks.
- They’re so in sync.
- Scully’s been through a lot today, and Mulder has spent much of it in his own little world, but she still leans on him when she realizes that she’s drawn her weapon on a duck.
- Mulder notices that Scully has lost weight and then frames that observation in the context of EATING HER.
- “You’re so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology.”
- MULDER IS DEFLECTING WITH EVERYTHING HE HAS. Scully tells him that she worries about his future, that he’ll become the kind of person who listens only to his own obsessions and loses everything in his search for the truth. I think she’s worried that she’ll be one of the people he loses. But from Mulder’s perspective, the one person he needs to respect his work is now saying that she doesn’t always understand why he does it. So he jokes about cannibalism, and he flirts when Scully calls him a megalomaniac, and when she compares him to the selfish, single-minded Captain Ahab, he shrugs that he’s always wanted a peg leg. But THEN, because he’s Mulder and she’s Scully, Mulder admits that he’s really thought about this. He wants something to come along and make him the kind of person who’s happy just to live life, instead of always needing this quest so much. I don’t know. Maybe Scully will be his peg leg. Maybe this show is destroying me emotionally. It’s fine.
- Mulder reminds Scully that she can’t paint him into a corner when he recites his favorite line from Moby Dick. Scully MOUTHS IT RIGHT ALONG WITH HIM, then gives him the cutest look to acknowledge how impressed she is. The enigmatic Agent Mulder.
- “I guess I see hope in such a possibility.”
- Mulder makes himself at home.
- Draw me like one of your unidentified flying objects.
- Oh, stop being so cute with Mrs. Scully. I family-ship you.
- When Scully holds a gun on Mulder, he’s just like she was in “Pusher”: calm, not upset with her, just upset that someone did this to them. He reminds her who they are to each other by leaving himself vulnerable to her.
- “Scully, you are the only one I trust.”
- Mrs. Scully loves Mulder so much that she protects him and risks getting shot herself. I just love that she knows enough of him, from the time they’ve spent together and from what Scully must have told her, to know that he would never hurt her daughter. He even lets her call him Fox.
- He thinks he’s so cute.
- Scully’s worst nightmare is that Mulder will betray her—and judging by the way he had to steel himself to get out of his car, one of Mulder’s worst nightmares is that he’ll be identifying Scully’s body someday. Goooooodbye cruel world.
- Scully will not let Mulder lose hope.
- I love it when the two of them perch on the edge of his desk. It’s a very season 1 thing that they’re still doing.
- This is about when Kim and Sage of Head Over Feels texted me to look at David’s Instagram right now (for the party dress). Then we had those extended Grand Inquisitor scenes. I watched the rest of this episode with my chin in my hands knowing that the same man who suggested making a Dostoevsky reference also tweets his costar about party dresses.
- Mulder is all “Get behind me, Scully,” which is more adorable than anything else.
- Mulder tells Scully not to use her gun and to stay out of the way, so she stands in the way and aims her gun.
- “I also need you to know that I’m okay, Scully. I’m fine.” AND I LOVE YOU. THAT LAST PART IS SUBTEXT.
- Scully speaks for Mulder as she talks to him. “He’s in shock—you’re in shock, Mulder.”
- Scully can’t nurture without a lot of touching.
- Their height difference continues to be both adorable and intimate, because she can’t hug him without being wrapped up in him entirely, and he can’t hug her without trusting her to hold him up.
- “Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it. And that’s a place to start.”
- Leave it to Scully and Mulder to be so cute in one of the most famously disturbing episodes of television.
- They’re sharing their domestic fantasies with each other and talking about settling down.
- “Well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second guessed, and start pumping out the little uber-Scullies!”
- Scully asks Mulder about his family, and he plays it like she’s coming on to him, which is his new favorite thing to do.
- Mulder is having all kinds of domestic thoughts today.
- “Goodnight, mommmmm.”
- “Scully, would you think less of me as a man if I told you I was kind of excited right now?”
- “Oh no.”
- “Deceive, inveigle, and obfuscate.”
- Mulder repeats Scully’s words back to her later, like it’s a bit that they’re doing.
- “It’s okay, Mulder. I’m here.”
I’ll spend the rest of the week thinking about the fact that either David already had the party dress photo in his personal collection, or he googled their old photo shoots. I’m not sure which is better. These people have broken me.