Times Mulder and Scully Should Have Made Out This Week, Volume 7

This week, David and Gillian celebrated their birthdays by trolling the world.

"Well you do, honey lamb! Come here. I want to kiss you, just once, softly and sweetly on your mouth."--A Streetcar Named Desire

Either David already had this photo saved to his computer, or he googled their old photo shoots. I don't know which is better.

“Well you do, honey lamb! Come here. I want to kiss you, just once, softly and sweetly on your mouth.”–A Streetcar Named Desire

Times Mulder and Scully Should Have Made Out in this week’s batch of episodes:

“Hell Money”

  • “Do you know how much the human body is worth, Mulder?” “Depends on the body.”

x files depends on the body

  • “If I’m right, this is one man who left his heart in San Francisco.” That is a MULDER JOKE, Scully.
  • I like when Mulder just hangs back, cracks open some sunflower seeds, and watches Scully take Glen to task. She’s so cute when she’s terrifying everyone.

“Jose Chung’s ‘From Outer Space'”

  • Bedtime stories.
Mulder I am literally reclining on your bed and you want to read about aliens.

Mulder I am literally lounging on your bed and you want to read about aliens.

  • Oh, kiss him just for that yelp.
  • I choose to believe in the reality where Mulder eats an entire sweet potato pie like this.

x files jose chung pie metal implant

  • He’s so worried when he can’t find his Scully.

x files jose chung where's scully

  • “I was surprised to wake up the next morning to find Mulder asleep in my room.” Mmmm.


  • Professional colleagues researching at a professional distance.

x files avatar book1

Definitely looking at the book and not at each other's noses.

Definitely looking at the book and not at each other’s noses.

  • The FBI’s official opinion is that Scully is “enchanted” by Agent Mulder. That’s on the record.
  • She calls Mulder on his cell and he’s right behind her, so he just says “Helloooo” and gives her a cute little wave.


  • The fact that Scully brought Queequeg along makes this all so domestic.

mulder scully queequeg quagmire

  • Neither of them can actually handle how domestic it is, which is why they’re bickering so much.
  • Look at this family unit.

x files quagmire umbrella queequeg

  • I love that Scully and Mulder refuse to accept the scientific fact that their heights are not umbrella compatible.

mulder scully umbrella quagmire x files

  • “Has anyone ever told you two that you have a great problem coming to the point?” Yes, they’re both aware that they’re still not hooking up, thanks.
  • They’re so in sync.

x files rock quagmire

  • Scully’s been through a lot today, and Mulder has spent much of it in his own little world, but she still leans on him when she realizes that she’s drawn her weapon on a duck.

x files rock quagmire shoulder

  • Mulder notices that Scully has lost weight and then frames that observation in the context of EATING HER.
x files scully lost weight quagmire

Scully is operating at peak side eye right now.

  • “You’re so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology.”
"Scully, are you coming on to me?"

“Scully, are you coming on to me?”

  • MULDER IS DEFLECTING WITH EVERYTHING HE HAS. Scully tells him that she worries about his future, that he’ll become the kind of person who listens only to his own obsessions and loses everything in his search for the truth. I think she’s worried that she’ll be one of the people he loses. But from Mulder’s perspective, the one person he needs to respect his work is now saying that she doesn’t always understand why he does it. So he jokes about cannibalism, and he flirts when Scully calls him a megalomaniac, and when she compares him to the selfish, single-minded Captain Ahab, he shrugs that he’s always wanted a peg leg. But THEN, because he’s Mulder and she’s Scully, Mulder admits that he’s really thought about this. He wants something to come along and make him the kind of person who’s happy just to live life, instead of always needing this quest so much. I don’t know. Maybe Scully will be his peg leg. Maybe this show is destroying me emotionally. It’s fine.

x files mulder quagmire

  • Mulder reminds Scully that she can’t paint him into a corner when he recites his favorite line from Moby Dick. Scully MOUTHS IT RIGHT ALONG WITH HIM, then gives him the cutest look to acknowledge how impressed she is. The enigmatic Agent Mulder.

x files mulder scully moby dick

  • “I guess I see hope in such a possibility.”


  • Mulder makes himself at home.

x files mulder wetwired couch

  • Draw me like one of your unidentified flying objects.

x files mulder couch wetwired

  • Oh, stop being so cute with Mrs. Scully. I family-ship you.
  • When Scully holds a gun on Mulder, he’s just like she was in “Pusher”: calm, not upset with her, just upset that someone did this to them. He reminds her who they are to each other by leaving himself vulnerable to her.

x files wetwired mulder

  • “Scully, you are the only one I trust.”
  • Mrs. Scully loves Mulder so much that she protects him and risks getting shot herself. I just love that she knows enough of him, from the time they’ve spent together and from what Scully must have told her, to know that he would never hurt her daughter. He even lets her call him Fox.
  • He thinks he’s so cute.

x files mulder hands up wetwired

  • Scully’s worst nightmare is that Mulder will betray her—and judging by the way he had to steel himself to get out of his car, one of Mulder’s worst nightmares is that he’ll be identifying Scully’s body someday. Goooooodbye cruel world.

“Talitha Cumi”

  • Scully will not let Mulder lose hope.
  • “Thanks.”
x files talitha cumi mulder thanks


  • I love it when the two of them perch on the edge of his desk. It’s a very season 1 thing that they’re still doing.

x files talitha cumi desk

  • This is about when Kim and Sage of Head Over Feels texted me to look at David’s Instagram right now (for the party dress). Then we had those extended Grand Inquisitor scenes. I watched the rest of this episode with my chin in my hands knowing that the same man who suggested making a Dostoevsky reference also tweets his costar about party dresses.
  • Mulder is all “Get behind me, Scully,” which is more adorable than anything else.


  • Mulder tells Scully not to use her gun and to stay out of the way, so she stands in the way and aims her gun.
  • “I also need you to know that I’m okay, Scully. I’m fine.” AND I LOVE YOU. THAT LAST PART IS SUBTEXT.
  • Scully speaks for Mulder as she talks to him. “He’s in shock—you’re in shock, Mulder.”

x files herrenvolk in shock

  • Scully can’t nurture without a lot of touching.
x files blanket mulder herrenvolk

I’m in shock. Look, I’ve got a blanket.

  • Their height difference continues to be both adorable and intimate, because she can’t hug him without being wrapped up in him entirely, and he can’t hug her without trusting her to hold him up.

x files mulder scully hug blanket

  • “Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it. And that’s a place to start.”
I feel like that actually is a very Mulder kind of science.

Scully’s not going to change anything about what she believes just for Mulder; she’s just promising to use what she believes to help him find some answers.


  • Leave it to Scully and Mulder to be so cute in one of the most famously disturbing episodes of television.
  • They’re sharing their domestic fantasies with each other and talking about settling down.

x files mulder baseball home

  • “Well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second guessed, and start pumping out the little uber-Scullies!”

x files home uber scullies

  • Scully asks Mulder about his family, and he plays it like she’s coming on to him, which is his new favorite thing to do.

x files home scully mulder your family

  • Mulder is having all kinds of domestic thoughts today.
x files scully mother home

He is disarmingly raw here.

  • Boop.

x files home antenna boop

  • “Goodnight, mommmmm.”
  • “Scully, would you think less of me as a man if I told you I was kind of excited right now?”
  • “Oh no.”

x files mulder elvis home


  • “Deceive, inveigle, and obfuscate.”
x files teliko scully mulder

Sorry I couldn’t hear you over how hot it is when you use big words.

  • Mulder repeats Scully’s words back to her later, like it’s a bit that they’re doing.
  • “Or…conspiracy.”
  • “It’s okay, Mulder. I’m here.”

I’ll spend the rest of the week thinking about the fact that either David already had the party dress photo in his personal collection, or he googled their old photo shoots. I’m not sure which is better. These people have broken me.


  1. It’s been so much fun experiencing X-files with you. I watched it live from about season 3 on. I quickly became obsessed and made my mom go rent all the previous seasons from Blockbuster. I shipped them hard and even did a speech in college spprch class about the excellence that was this show. It was easy considering I had visuals at the ready by perhaps having a David Duchovny calendar. I may have also had just a small fixation on David! Anyway keep watching! Makes me want to start binge watching too!

    1. Oh thanks so much! I regret not ever getting the chance to watch it live (or experience the sweet agony of those Blockbuster trips), but it’s been so fun to watch it with everyone now. And I love that you did a speech about the show! Working TV into class projects is always a win, especially when Duchovny is involved.

  2. I’m really enjoying this trip down memory lane. I was obsessed from the beginning. I’m glad people are still discovering what a great show it is.

  3. They broke me a long time ago and have kept breaking me, and I’ve loved every minute of it. I went to see Gillian in Streetcar Named Desire last week (she was amazing, duh), and I got to meet her briefly. Looking at these gifs today reminded me how utterly long ago XF really was, because she looks *so* different now. Also, I really love GA & DD’s silly twitter tweaking of the fans, and I wanted to say something to her about it when I met her, but I chickened out. LOL.

      1. I did! I still can’t quite believe it myself. As far as meeting her, it was very quick. I told her she was amazing in the show and she thanked me. Then I thanked her for sticking around to do autographs, since I knew she must be exhausted. And she said, “No, no, it’s fine. I enjoy it.” And then I sort of ran away, because I didn’t want to hold up the line. But it was a glorious 30 seconds. She looked cute with her hair back in a ponytail (her hair is wet by the end of the play), and she gave me two full-on, all-her-teeth smiles. I was a happy camper. 🙂

        Here’s a terrible cell phone picture: http://twitter.com/livehead16/status/496452471594975232/photo/1

        As for the play, it was incredible. The staging was brilliant, Gillian and Vanessa were brilliant, and 3.5 hours went by in a flash. I also liked Corey Johnson, who played Mitch. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite as enamored of Ben Foster as Stanley. He wasn’t bad; he just made some choices I wasn’t crazy about. It wasn’t enough to detract from the overall show, though. I can’t wait to see it again at the screening. I read a rumor that they might bring it to NY – I don’t know if I believe that, but if they do, I will be there with bells on!

      2. That’s amazing, and so sweet of her. I think it sounds like you made the most of those 30 seconds! And they NEED to bring this to New York. Preferably with Gillian.

  4. Literally didn’t get the honey lamb reference until your post, and I literally re-read this play three months ago. Doy.

    For the record, Home is one of my favourite episodes because it is TERRIFYING, and also the exact moment that both Peak Mulder Hair Flip and Peak Scully Hair Part combine to create the pinnacle of all 90s slick hairstyles (Sorry, Jennifer Aniston).

    Also, you’ve seen this, right? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV0nvnEyBo0

      1. i’d only ever seen the gifs (thanks tumblr for ruining/improving everything forever) but the live action is just all…action. May I warn you to not watch any of the related videos b/c A) spoiler alert and B) they go on and on into a pit of unending embarrassing despair…not that I know this from personal experience. A friend told me.

      2. Hahaha I’m being VERY careful with my X-Files youtubing, which is to say that I don’t venture out on my own. Too many spoilers! When I’m in the clear, though, so many hours will be spent there. SO MANY.

  5. Tell me you fell of your chair when Mulder yelped. I did when I first saw it 20 years ago. And I think I was out of town for Harrenvolk so I taped. So glad I did, because then I could rewind and watch the slow collapsing hug scene over and over, with Skinner quietly closing the door to give them their privacy. Skinner was a great shipper.

    1. Skinner was such a great shipper. One of his many wonderful qualities.
      And yes! I mean, I didn’t technically fall, but I would have if I hadn’t been so entrenched in my couch. Although I think the hardest I laughed in that episode was actually at the “ticking time bomb of insanity” line. LOVABLE ticking time bomb of insanity.

  6. “Draw me like one of your unidentified flying objects”. I died here! Hahahaha… geez you gonna make me start watching the show again, and I just re-watched it with a friend (you know, the sacred mission of introducing someone to XF).

    Waiting for the next one! 🙂

  7. I love your opening comments about “Quagmire” because it’s so true! That was exactly my thinking when re-watching this episode recently. That entire conversation in the car about bringing the dog along, Scully’s mom is out of town, and YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT KENNELS, MULDER. It is such a married couple conversation and it makes me crack up laughing.

    I want those scenes where Mulder and Scully are just talking about mundane daily life stuff, like Scully’s opinion about dog kennels. I would seriously watch a show that just had Mulder and Scully driving around in a car talking about random shit.

    1. I would groove so hard on a whole episode/ season/ series of Scully and Mulder’s car scenes. Tell me all about your childhood stuffed animals and the scariest movies you’ve ever seen! TELL ME YOUR OPINIONS ON KENNELS AND RESTAURANT RESERVATIONS AND WHITE SHOES AFTER LABOR DAY.
      They’re so married.

  8. “Their height difference continues to be both adorable and intimate, because she can’t hug him without being wrapped up in him entirely, and he can’t hug her without trusting her to hold him up.”

    You brought up too many feels with that one.

  9. New to this blog (not to the show – 20 years obsessed and still going strong!), but, Kelly… I think I want to marry you! Lol!

    I have been sharing the crap outta this on Facebook and Twitter (@missjenmichell) and I can’t get enough!

    I’ve stopped re-watching The X-Files long enough to shower, eat and read this.


    1. Awwww, thank you so much!!! It’s been the best experience watching this show and sharing it with everyone. I’m not ready for that to end, but at least I know I’ll have the next 20 years (and 20 after that, and after that) to rewatch and enjoy!

  10. Home was truly one of the most disturbing episodes of anything I have ever seen. I think some kind of warning was posted before the show aired, if I remember correctly.

    Jose Chung’s From Outer Space – another great humour episode. Yes Scully, we were surprised to find Mulder in your room too. Charles Nelson Reilly was a hoot. There is a line at the end where CNR is narrating and says something to the effect of at the end of the day Scully was just….a federal agent. Oh CNR, she is so, so much more.

    Quagmire, loved the conversation on the rock. Poor Queequeg.

    So many great episodes in this batch. And poor Mama Mulder.

    1. Home is SO disturbing. I feel like it gets tossed around as the “scariest” episode a lot, to the point where I wasn’t as scared as I expected to be, given the buildup. I think disturbing is a better word for it; it gets in your head, and the more you think about it, the more you just want to wrap yourself in a blanket and curl up on the floor.

      Jose Chung’s From Outer Space is classic Darin Morgan in every way. Scully is so done the entire time. And Quagmire! RIP Queequeg. The fact that I love that episode so much says a LOT, because I generally don’t do well with dogs dying/ being in any sort of trouble for any length of time. But the conversation on the rock is just gorgeous. It says so much about them.

  11. My favorite lines are all those, but my most is this : “Their height difference continues to be both adorable and intimate, because she can’t hug him without being wrapped up in him entirely, and he can’t hug her without trusting her to hold him up”.

  12. Love your blog Kelly! I am such a huge fan of the show!! I’ll ship these two for life! Would love to see your take on the new episodes.

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