Alias

You Could Be Watching Victor Garber Right Now

In advance of its January premiere, the pilot episode of Deception hit the internet this week. Let’s break it down.

STRENGTHS:

  • Victor Garber wears sweaters.
  • Victor Garber pours tea.
  • Victor Garber cries.
  • Victor Garber is hiding something.

Victor Garber must always be hiding something.

WEAKNESSES:

  • Victor Garber doesn’t blow up a single person in the whole episode. (more…)

Vartan and Coop: Don’t Make Me Choose

Alias was my crash course in television fandom.

I was 12 when it premiered. Alias taught me that the definition of appointment TV is “a show you’ll speed through your math homework for.” It taught me, eventually, that TV recaps exist online (because sometimes you just can’t finish that math in time). It taught me that TV on DVD is what addiction must feel like. And, most importantly, Alias taught me the love triangle. (more…)

An Intervention with Parking Garages

Tonight’s Bones opened on a man in a parking garage, which in Hollywood might as well be a murder house. No other setting makes it so obvious that somebody’s going to die. Sure enough, he explodes before the opening credits. Hollywood really wants us to fear parking garages. What did we ever do to deserve this?

Let me recline on a comfy therapist couch and break down my paranoia. (more…)