Say goodbye to Eagleton, kids. Say goodbye to Segway tours and Swarovski crystal oranges, to crepes at town hall meetings and scones in jail and retorts lovingly crafted by GB Shaw. It was only a matter of time before Eagleton’s excesses (they had Michael Bublé on retainer) pushed the town to the brink of an epic financial disaster. (more…)
“We must always walk BEHIND the men…”—April
Pawnee’s local government is a Sausagefest. It’s a full-on, ‘can’t book a conference room without your daddy’ Sausagefest (which, ZOMG, makes it just like our actual government!), and every woman caught laughing is a witch has her own way of dealing. Donna works her mad sex appeal to her advantage. April messes with people. Feeny’s wife TAKES FEENY TO THE NEXT TOWN HALL MEETING PLEASE. As for Leslie, she takes up a commission for equal gender employment. (more…)
CALLING ALL PAWNEEANS, ARCHITECTS, JUNKIE WAR-CRIMINAL PIMPS: Leslie Knope needs your help. She’s designing Lot 48, and everyone’s input is welcome. She even solicits ideas on Wamapoke County Public Radio, which is fast becoming one of my favorite Pawnee subcultures. Derry Merbles is a machine (“The Batman: a strong gentleman who fights crime nocturnally”), and I’d totally watch a “Thoughts for Your Thoughts” spinoff. Everyone would always be filling in for each other, and we’d get plenty of spoken word operas about pear-shaped women. This is all I need in a sitcom. (more…)
So I know Ben and Leslie just bought a house, and it’s big and it’s nice and it has an Oprah Suite, but I think they’ve found an even better one.
Knope 2024, America. Make it happen. (more…)
Leslie: Ben, on three separate occasions, I have used a quilt to mend fences. In ninth grade, a quilt ended an argument between my two best friends, and a quilt settled the Donna-Jerry Parking Lot Feud of 2006!
Ben: What was the third time?
Leslie: Right f***ing now.
Ben: Ok, I still don’t think it’s gonna work, but I am really attracted to you right now.
Leslie’s steamrolling again, y’all. She promised Ben that she’d cut it out, but steamrollers gotta steam. It’s ok, though, because Ben loves her just as she is. She means well, she really does: she just wants in-laws who can coexist. And Red Vines. (more…)
Halloween in Pawnee: a time to dress like a princess, face your fears, live-tweet 26-year-old horror movies, and get yelled at for not including spoiler alerts when you live-tweet 26-year-old horror movies. It’s also a time make the sacrifices you have to make in order to hold on to what matters most. Life gets messy sometimes, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few tiaras.
“I woke up in the dumpster covered in diapers, and I found a pacifier somewhere I’m not willing to discuss.”
Welcome to Bangtoberfest!
Newly-single Barney is making up for lost time—or throwing himself into meaningless relationships to ease his pain, depending upon your perspective. In any case, there’s a t-shirt cannon involved. Robin tells Barney that he needs time to heal, but this Bangtoberfest merch cost him $7,000, so emotional stability is going to have to wait. (more…)